8 takeaways from «How to Win Friends & Influence People» 🙈

Get people to like you? Now it's easier than it seems.

Especially when you have a review of Dale Carnegie's wonderful book "How to Win Friends & Influence People". It was published in 1936, but it still remains one of the most read books in the world!

The book will be especially useful for business owners and those whose work is related to communication and sales. And so that you do not have to spend a lot of time reading, I have already written out 8 main conclusions without the fluff.

This time, I really dedicated some hours and prepared a voice recording of the article. Please don't judge me too strictly; this was my first time reaching for the mic, and I'm still feeling very nervous and borderline worried 🙊

Happy reading and listening!

How do you become someone who is always welcome? How do you make friends with a millionaire? How do you criticize while leaving your listeners grateful? How can you easily win friends and influence people? Dale Carnegie's book in 10 minutes.

Carnegie advises to reread this book once a month and revise notes from it even more often, so add the post to your favorites and listen to or reread it once a week. Only then all the principles outlined here will become an integral part of your life and translate into radically different results.

When for the first time in my life I decided to give more than I promised, I immediately noticed how drastically my life had changed, and it’s not for nothing that the most successful people in the world adhere to this outrageously simple rule. Now let's review some of the most important conclusions from Dale Carnegie's book.

Insight one: Try to make your companion speak more than you.

It is important for most people to be listened to and understood. This raises their significance, first of all, for themselves. The more a person talks, the more information they give you, and the more information they give you, the greater their trust in you grows.

We as people are very simple and predictable. Back in ancient Greece, philosopher Plutarch said that “we have two ears but only one mouth”, so we should listen twice as much as we speak.

Insight two: Make people aware of their own importance.

If you do that, by the end of a conversation, your companion will remain positive toward you -- they will see you as someone they feel comfortable with. In their eyes, they will become better just by communicating with you, and this will happen only if you show them that their opinion is important, necessary, and has the right to exist. Give your companion feedback by raising eyebrows (an expression of interest), by nodding in confirmation of their words, and smiling. Make people feel important.

Insight three: Show respect for the opinions of others; never tell a person they are wrong.

Try to accept the opponent's point of view. Accept them not by starting to think like him, but by simply admitting that their point of view is valid. You would probably agree that nothing in this world is certain. For any argument you can always find a counterargument. Depending on the context and the circumstances, any opinion can be valid. For instance, if I say, “I saw someone drop a wooden block, it fell on the ground” -- this sounds normal. But if I say “that person dropped a wooden block, and it bounced back”, you will most likely think I’m crazy -- at least until I add some context. The person was actually standing in water, and the buoyancy force sent the wooden block up. This way, the story makes sense.

Therefore, everything depends on the context. Every person is correct to a certain extent. One should not rush to conclusions but try to imagine a situation in which a person’s opinion is valid. Or at least ask them directly why they think the way they do.

Insight four: Awaken in your companion the desire to do something.

Remember, the only profitable and environmentally friendly way to get what you need from a person is for the person to want it as well. For example, if a child breaks a vase and does not want to admit it, one can say, “Son, it’s not about the fact that you broke the vase. You won’t get punished. It’s just a piece of porcelain. It's about you being able to take responsibility for your actions like a man.” How does that sound to you? There is no pressure on the child, and the highest value is presented properly: male responsibility. Such an approach awakens in a person the desire to do something positive.

Insight five: Having one's errors pointed out directly is unpleasant at best. When done indirectly, it is not as offensive.

When you want to let someone know that they did something wrong, you don’t tell him directly. Your wife didn't salt the soup? Just salt it yourself for her to notice. She'll understand that next time she needs to add a little more salt, even though you didn't say anything. For instance, a friend did not fulfill a promise. Make them aware in a conversation that everything was taken care of, and you did whatever was promised yourself. The friend will realize they let you down, but without the pressure of guilt they won’t get into a defensive mode.

By the way, here's a tip from me personally: indirect compliments work more efficiently than direct ones. Usually, any judgment from the outside world is instinctively rejected. Let’s say, someone tells me how good I am. My first thought would be, “Are they trying to flatter me?” If they say the same thing about me to a mutual friend, who would then pass it to me, then it would sound more convincing. Because then I would not have a perception filter.

Indirect compliments as well as criticisms work better than direct ones.

Insight six: If criticism is necessary, do it right.

The algorithm for criticizing effectively is eerily simple: first, start with “the good”. Second, continue with “difficult and unpleasant”. Third, end on a positive note. For example, “Dear grandson, your surprise for Grandma's birthday was really spectacular and unexpected. The fireworks worked perfectly, but in the future, take into account that grandma is not young anymore and can react painfully to loud sounds. Here is some fruit for her, please take it with you to the hospital”. This way, you convey what you want to the person, but the conversation does not leave an unpleasant impression. A gentle opening will relax a person and let them know you are on their side. The most memorable part of a conversation is the end. If it’s pleasant, you can be certain you won’t turn the person against you, even if you criticize them a little.

Insight seven: Give the person a chance to save face.

Many understand (although not everyone appreciates) that if you win an argument, and those around you recognize it, you should not go on and embarrass your opponent even further. And don’t look too smug. The person themselves will also see that you chose not to finish them off. They might not show any recognition of that or gratitude, and some people might not appreciate your nobility, but that should not bother you; the point is that you don’t make an enemy.

Never drive an opponent into a corner; give them an exit.

Insight eight: Create a challenge when nothing else works.

A little earlier, we talked about the rejection of any outside judgment. Because of this instinct, when you question someone’s skill or importance, they are more likely to want to prove you otherwise. “What do you mean it doesn't work? I can’t make it work?! I will prove you wrong!”

Tell the employee that you have never been able to complete a certain type of task in three hours, and then just wait for the results before the three hours run out. The technique is simple  and impressively effective. First you express doubt, then challenge and reap the rewards.

Conclusion:

The main idea of the book is that communicating with people and winning them over is simple, once you do a bit of work and follow a few simple techniques. At its core, each of those techniques is about one thing: respect. Every person wants to be respected. Treat all with respect, even if they don’t deserve it -- simply because they are humans just like you.

Wishing everyone the best and good luck! 💟

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Please let me know what you think about the audio recording of the article. How do you like the background music volume? Any advice and tips will be taken into account! Probably due to me being shy and nervous, I lost count of the number of attempts made in hope of a perfect recording.

P.S. Sorry for any little mistakes you may notice!

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Thanks!